One Year Later.... July 11, 2014

One year ago today Andrew and I sat in the doctor's office in Maternal Fetal Medicine, only to find out our growing baby boy had a heart defect. :(  I will never forget her showing us pictures of the holes between his top two atrium and bottom two ventricles.  I will never forget the moment she said there was a 50% chance of Beau having a chromosomal anomaly... most commonly Down Syndrome..  I listened to her while holding back tears and I remember saying to myself,  "hold it together, hold it together"  because that's who I am, they didn't need to see my emotions.  Then Andrew began to ask questions - What does this mean?  When will he need surgery? What will it be like when he's born?  And then he lost it.  I lost it.  She had no answers for us. Tears were flowing down our faces and the medical staff gently exited the room to give us time. By the time we got to our car we were sobbing.... then we pulled it together and began making phone calls. Though you all didn't know for several weeks, we had known about Beau's suspected diagnosis long before we spoke to the "world" about it. We wanted time for a true confirmation [which came in late July after the NIPT test], time to research and be ready to answer questions, time to calm our hearts, and time to put Beau IN HIS HANDS...

From there you know the rest of the story: finding out about his other heart defect, traveling to CHOP, Beau's early delivery, the hospital, heart surgery, respiratory distress/intubation, g-tube surgery and so on...

Andrew and I didn't respond with the typical scared or sad feelings about Beau's Down syndrome diagnosis, though there were many days of wondering what Beau would look like or how he will develop.  We were excited to join this new family, excited for Buddy Walks and Special Olympics, excited for the lifetime of unhindered JOY we knew Beau would bring us. Of course, there are days that I admit I get a little jealous when I see other babies younger then Beau accomplishing things he can't yet do. But I know that Beau is BEAUtiful and EXTRAordinary, created in God's image.  He will grow and reach milestones on his own timeline and we will celebrate every one along the way!

My focus throughout this last year was prayer... prayers of trust to the Lord to protect Beau as he grew during pregnancy. Prayers for the Lord's healing over his little body in the NICU. Prayers of endurance when I no longer wanted to drive to and from the hospital everyday. Prayers for his heart to sustain him leading up to surgery. Prayers for the medical staff, surgical teams and nurses who watched over him.  Prayers of patience and understanding when mistakes were made. Prayers for us to handle the stress of the hospital and prayers to stay strong as a couple during the challenging days. Prayers to keep smiling and do it again tomorrow. And prayers of thanksgiving for you, those who have supported us and prayed for Beau along the way.

Beau will be 10 months old next Tuesday and never did we imagine he would spend a total of 147 sleeps in a hospital. Never did we imagine we'd have to watch what our little one endured in his first 7 months of life. Never did we imagine how his incredible, contagious smile would wipe all that pain away. And the giggle... oh my! Never did I imagine the JOY I feel watching Beau light up when Andrew gets home from work and sees his daddy.  Never did I imagine that the greatest trial in our life would be our biggest blessing.

Through it all, God has walked before us on this journey into the unknown we call parenthood. People always say, "I don't know how you do it."  And I reply, "I don't either!"  But I do it because we know no different and this is the plan God has laid before us. Only with strength found in Him did we get through. Time and time again when my worry would get the best of me, Andrew had to remind me that Beau belongs to God.  Since the beginning we have prayed that Beau's story would bring Him glory. God imagined him, created him, planned him perfectly...He makes no mistakes... He brings good from the bad...He restores... He heals... He strengthens... He comforts... He protects... He provides... oh, He is GOOD! We know in this life, challenges happen. God didn't promise that a life following Him would be easy, trials and dark seasons will come.  But we know the ONE who promised us in Joshua 1.9 to be with us in whatever we face... walk with us, guide us... one day at a time, one hour at a time, one step at a time.

We have so much to be thankful for.  We are blessed.

Be strong and courageous. 

Do not be afraid.  

Do not be discouraged.  

For the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.  

Joshua 1.9